Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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