i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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