dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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