Who wears a wallet chain?!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
