sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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