we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
