just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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