Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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