For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
