I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
