Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
