glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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