walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
