I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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