I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
