Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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