Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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