If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
