uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
