it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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