I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
