you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
