The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
