C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
