Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
