My liver just broke up with me...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
