Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
