girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
