have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
