If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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