last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
