it was like eating out sand paper
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
