the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
