Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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