toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How does one acquire holy water?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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