Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
