not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ttyl tear gas
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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