I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
