It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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