Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
