I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
