I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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