We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
