You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
