Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You made out with two different species that night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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