the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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