her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
