everyone is single if you try hard enough
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
