Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Less talking, more tequila
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
