last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
