he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
