I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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