My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
