the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
