I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
